You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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