just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize