She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
