i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize