brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
