when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
