glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
