i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize