did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My pussy is not your playground.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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