i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
