ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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