Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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