I think I am morally bankrupt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
