I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
