Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
