WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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