She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
