God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
