Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
