I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
