Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Randomize
