ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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