i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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