the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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