Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
