The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
