problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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