This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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