U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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