i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize