No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
