you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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