I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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