is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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