I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want nice things and good sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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