No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
