The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize