Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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