you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
