I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
