I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
