it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
