I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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