I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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