Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
