Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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