You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
