i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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