If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
