What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
