He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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