Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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