I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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