Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
