I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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