so that wasnt chicken after all
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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