i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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