let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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