well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
