She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
