Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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