It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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