It's Friday. Sex?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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