By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
