do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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