I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
