I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
