Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
