dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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