if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
