I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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