too bad you live with your parents still
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have aggressive nipples.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
