the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
