is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
