On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
