I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
