worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
