Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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