Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
