i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
