I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
