Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
