he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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