Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
