Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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