I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize