New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
