Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
