I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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