oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
