You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
