Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
