this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
