Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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