I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
